Saturday, February 5, 2011

Building a new "normal"

For the past few months leading up to January 2011, life kept getting crazier and more stressful.  I was notified that my position was being eliminated at the corporation where I worked, my husband suffered from terrible pain in his neck, my mother-in-law was extremely ill with a chronic and terminal disease, and the holiday season was just around the corner.  December was particularly stressful, with my husband having major surgery on his cervical spine, his mother starting home hospice care, and me trying to get all of my necessary tasks done for Christmas. And then January rolled around and made December seem not quite so difficult.  In January, my job officially ended, my husband still had more post-surgical pain that we had expected, and my mother-in-law passed away last week.  I'm left feeling like I was (poorly) juggling too many balls in the air, frequently dropping several at a time, then trying to pick them back up and find a good rhythm to keep everything moving simultaneously, when all of a sudden some maniac comes along and completely knocks all the balls away from me at once. 

So here I am, looking at all these balls scattered around me.  I know that nothing is ever going to be the same as it was.  The coming year is going to be bittersweet as my husband, his sisters, his grandfather, me and other family & friends have their first year of birthdays, holidays, events & just plain every day life without his mother.  I don't have the familiar stability of a job I know how to do inside-out, even though it could be a very frustrating work environment and I wasn't always happy there.  What was once "normal" is now gone forever and I am facing the task of creating a new "normal" for myself.   I do have a strong optimist streak in me, so I'm trying to see these so-called balls laying around me as an opportunity to be very choosy about which ones I will pick up again for this new "normal" that I must create.  I'm trying to focus on self-care items, so that I can be at my best in order to take care of those I love and find new work that will satisfy me and use my skills & talents. 

Needless to say, taking care of myself includes spending time with my fiber art.  I can confidently state that knitting and spinning time during these past few months has been key in maintaining my sanity.